There are many things out there that can destroy a marriage. Negative Communication in my opinion is the number one killer in most marriages.
Negative communication in a marriage gets you nowhere when dealing with your spouse. Here are some prime examples of negative communication:
- Silent Treatment or Cold Shoulder
- Punching Walls or Slamming Doors
- Belittling each other
- Calling each other names
These are just a few examples of how communication can be negative and non-productive. If you do catch yourself doing any of the above you need to step away from the situation. While you step away you need to regroup and get your thoughts together so you can effectively talk with your spouse.
I can tell you from personal experience that yelling at your spouse doesn’t solve anything. In-fact yelling at your spouse does more harm than anything else. When you yell at your spouse you are telling them that they don’t matter to you and they are beneath you. Men I can tell you that your spouse it not subservient to you at all. Your spouse is your equal and has equal say in your marriage. When you took your vows with your spouse you became one in your marriage and don’t ever forget that. It doesn’t matter how angry your spouse may make you from time to time that is still your spouse.
If you give each other the silent treatment it is just as bad as yelling at each other or physically hurting each other. When you give someone the silent treatment you are telling them that their opinion or statements don’t matter. You also don’t give the other person a chance to rectify the situation as well. One thing you have to remember people can’t read each others minds.
Punching Walls or Slamming Doors
When an argument starts to turn physical you need to walk away and cool off. One thing you need to remember there is no reason to ever get physical with your spouse. Whether it be directly or indirectly. Both cause the same amount of damage. If you do feel it is ok for this kind of behavior then you really need to reevaluate yourself and seek anger management classes. If you are a reader and want to try that route a great book for anger management is Anger Management Workbook for Men: Take Control of Your Anger and Master Your Emotions.
Belittling Each Other and Calling Each Other Names
If you do decide to belittle each other and call each other names all you are doing is hurting your marriage. One thing you need to remember when you are talking with your spouse is you need to talk to them as you want to be talked to. Each of you have feelings and you need to make sure when you do talk it needs to be constructive.
If you want to make sure your marriage is healthy and successful you will shy away from the negative communication areas above. There are several books out there that can help with your marriage and effective communicating. The two books that I recommend are The Argument-Free Marriage by Fawn Weaver and The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you found this article helpful also check out the Four C’s To A Successful Marriage.